The Business of Marriage
What do two media stars from the big wide world of entertainment have in common? An equally dynamic perspective on the topic of matrimony. Joseph M. Hoehner ropes in our local talents Jeffrey Xu and Cheryl Wee to share their viewpoints.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
C: I think there is love at first sight. But what happens after love at first sight is even more magical.
J: No, I strongly believe in needing to get to know the other party well.
C: Ideal ah? I think that he has to love me a lot; he has to love my family because I’m very close to my family. I think he has to have a really big heart because I have a very busy work schedule. For the fact that I’m so close to not just four of my other family members, but also 20-odd in my family.
J: She needs to have a good temperament. The kind of girl whom you spot sitting by the window seat of a café with the sun beaming at her face. She’s also one who does not need to use layers of makeup. She needs to be easy on the eye. Not drop-dead gorgeous or what.
Do you believe in The One?
C: I am still questioning if there is actually “The One” or there isn’t. I’m really not sure. I don’t think there’s a rush to find ‘The One’, you still have time to find her, Jeffrey…
J: Yes, but I feel that the earlier I settle down, the better. To me, it is a way of balancing work and life. Marriage and having my own family balances the heart. If there are roadblocks in life or hiccups in work, at least there’s a home, a family to fall back on.
C: Personality is more of the deal breaker. If he’s rude and has no respect for women, that’s definitely a deal breaker. Superficialities are not really a deal breaker for me, but personality and negativity… and chauvinism.
J: That would depend on a case-by-case basis. It is not a clear-cut straight-up “No this can’t do, and that, and that.” Like not shutting the door when using the washroom. This topic of pet peeves is very open and subjective. To me it cannot be ascertained at the start of a relationship before knowing a person well, not to mention even before it begins!
C: It’s difficult, but the best relationship is not a perfect relationship. A perfect relationship doesn’t come from having no problems but rather how we grow with every problem.
I see your schedule is filled with shoots from morning to night. Is it tough on you?
J: I like it. I like being busy and enjoy working a lot.
Aren’t you worried that your wife will be unhappy with your work schedule then?
J: My wife has to understand my line of work and acknowledge that my work has to take top priority. It is of utmost importance she does so or else we will not be able to settle down in the first place! Nonetheless, I will take the effort to find ways to make up for lost time with my family.
If you were to choose between work and your life-partner?
J: Career is definitely most important. My love life would have to align with my career goals. They are not disparate. If I have no career, I can’t give her anything. If I can’t offer anything, I do not want to be blamed for not being able to give her anything just because I gave up my career.
Even if she doesn’t blame you for not being able to give her anything?
J: I’d still blame myself! I’m a man and I’m supposed to give her happiness. How can I possibly let things go that way?