11 Common Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered
2019-10-28

The pre-wedding glow is something that every bride-to-be wants to be basking in. However, wedding planning is no easy feat and we’re constantly fretting over everything from officiants and seating plans to other actual day arrangements. To help you get hitched without a hitch, here are some common wedding logistic questions answered.

Note: These are the writer’s own opinions and advice as a bridal writer and a bride-to-be herself.

A member of my bridal party suddenly cannot make it for the wedding. Should I replace her or leave her position empty? 

Members of the bridal party all have integral positions to play in your wedding. If one of your bridesmaid or groomsman is suddenly unable to make it for your big day, it is advised to leave the position empty than to rush and find someone to fill the spot.

Firstly, the new person might feel like a backup, second-rate friend. Secondly, the new member might not be able to assume the role in such short notice. Thirdly, uneven wedding parties are very commonplace today, and if you’re concerned about your photos looking asymmetrical, not to worry – your wedding photographer will take care of that for you.

I don’t want to wear a wedding dress at my wedding. Can I wear pants instead?

While it is tradition to wear a wedding dress, ultimately, your wedding is for you and your partner only. If wearing a dress or a skirt is completely unlike you, don’t force yourself into one and make yourself unhappy on your very special day! Besides, there is no rule that states that you must get wedded in a gown, and an increasing number of elegant pantsuits and jumpsuits are widely available now that can definitely fit a grand occasion like your wedding.

My best friend is a guy. Can he be part of my bridal party?

Again, there is no hard and fast rule when it comes to your bridal party. While the position has been traditionally coined “Maid of Honour”, if your significant other is agreeable – and there is no reason why he shouldn’t be – you can definitely include your favourite guy bestie in your bridal party, and vice versa. These special friends can be called your “bridesman” and “groomsmaid”.

How do I prevent myself from crying at my wedding?

Crying is a natural human emotion, but sometimes, we understand that it can get in the way of speaking clearly and looking glamourous on your big day. To stop the tears from falling, you can try to either distract yourself by shifting your focus to something else, think of something positive, funny, or irrelevant to the situation at hand, or simply concentrate on your breathing and take deep breaths slowly and calmly.

You can also blink and move your eyes around to prevent tears from spilling out, concentrate on relaxing your facial muscles, which tend to scrunch up when you’re about to cry, give yourself a pinch between your thumb and pointer finger, or push your tongue against the roof of your mouth – it’s apparently our emotional “reset button”.

It’s better to be safe than sorry though, so if the tears get too much to hold back, just make sure that you at least have waterproof makeup on, and that your bridal party have handkerchiefs at the ready.

My father is no longer around. Should I ask someone else to walk me down the aisle or walk alone?

Traditionally, the father walks the bride down the aisle to represent “giving her away”. Today, society is no longer as patriarchal, and if your father is no longer with you, there are plenty of other ways you can honour him while getting your mother, sibling, close friend, or anyone who plays a very important role in your life to walk you down instead.

Some heartfelt ways you can honour your father by includes requesting the officiant to say a few words, or personally acknowledging him in your wedding toast. Of course, if you prefer to walk down the aisle alone, that’s fine as well.

During the procession, in what order should the wedding party walk down the aisle?

We cannot stress this enough. If the wedding is mainly for you, then you should be the one to decide what the order is. If you’re really at a loss, though, then as a general rule of thumb, the bridal party would usually enter first, with the maid of honor entering last. The groomsmen can either escort bridal party down in the same order, or wait below together with the family members. After that, the ring bearer and flower girl will walk in either in single file or together, followed by the bride.

We don’t want to kiss in front of everybody at the end of our ceremony. Do we have to?

If you’re uncomfortable about sharing a kiss in front of all your friends and family, don’t force yourself to. The only thing you need to do to make sure that you and your significant other are legally married is to have a solemniser to verify all legal documents, ensure both parties consent to the marriage, and facilitate the signing of the Certificate of Marriage. Whether or not you kiss doesn’t affect the validity of the ceremony.

Just make sure to let your solemniser know beforehand so that he/she will skip that cue, or consider exchanging a hug instead of a kiss! 

Do I need to invite family whom I'm not close with to be a part of my wedding party?

Many brides often feel the pressure to include relatives whom they aren’t really close to to be a part of their wedding party simply because they are afraid that it might hurt their relations. If not inviting them will create family tension and drama yet you really do not wish to have this person be a part of your entourage, consider assigning him/her a smaller yet still significant job instead, such as emcee-ing, performing on stage, or doing a reading.

How can we stop our guests from taking photos during the ceremony?

It’s impossible to confiscate your guests’ phone or have ushers to call them out whenever they whip out their phone, but what you can do is to remind your guests, over and over again. First, put a note in your wedding invite and wedding programme that it’s going to be an “unplugged wedding”, where phones are not allowed.

Secondly, leave a sign on every table to remind your guests that no photography is allowed, and that everyone should put their phones aside. Thirdly, get your officiant to help make an announcement to implore everyone to refrain from taking photos with their phones, especially during important moments such as the walk down the aisle and exchanging of vows.

Lastly, to satiate your guests’ needs to snap pictures, ensure that you have a photobooth present!

Can my friend or relative officiate my wedding?

Unfortunately in Singapore, not anyone can officiate a wedding, and so getting your friend or relative to be your solemniser might not be possible. In order for your marriage to be legal, the person to officiate your wedding has to be ROM-approved, and a full list of authorised solemnisers is available on the ROM website!

Can our pet participate in the wedding ceremony?

It depends. While we often see dogs and cats at wedding ceremonies, it ultimately depends on whether or not your wedding venue allows animals. To play it safe, if you really wish for your furry friend to be by your side on your special day, consider opting for an outdoor wedding instead.

However, don’t forget to ask yourself if your pet does well with large crowds, and make sure to appoint a member of your wedding party to look after your pet with plenty of water and treats!