Essentials of a healthy marriage
2019-01-24

A good marriage is built on more than just love. Though “good” is subjective, in this case, we refer to the process of building marriages to manage conflicts better and strengthening the relationship bond. 

The fundamentals of a good marriage start with A.B.C. What does ABC stands for?

A represents Acceptance.  It means accepting your partner for who they are, while constantly and consistently expressing it. 

B represents the Bond. The bond between husband and wife is one of the most crucial factors to a lasting marriage. A bond is needed between two people to facilitate closeness and intimacy, both of which are essentials of a lasting marriage. 

C represents Commitment. Commitment is the basis of every relationship. Commitment here does not simply refer to loyalty, but also a commitment to understanding, forgiveness, love and communication.

These ABCs are more or less the fundamentals of a good marriage. In addition to these fundamentals, a good marriage also requires trust, security and the ability to compromise. While these factors might seem obvious enough, not every relationship or marriage has these fundamentals strengthened. 

Trust is essential in any sort of relationship. If there is no trust between the both of you, take a step back to work on that before walking down the aisle. Trust is required to free yourselves from any form of doubt or speculations, which will help both of you to get through tough times. With trust, each partner knows with certainty that they can rely on the other person emotionally, physically and mentally, 

With trust, comes security. This feeling of trust will inevitably develop a sense of security in the relationship, the marriage and in each other. This sense of security allows you to know and believe with certainty that your partner will never leave you hanging when times get tough, regardless of the situation. 

Lastly and most importantly, every couple should learn to compromise. Every marriage is bound to face conflicts. Regardless of your similarities, disagreements will occur. When faced with disagreements that don't have a clear solution, don't give up. Instead, work towards making compromises. It’s an essential skill that every couple should learn.

Often, compromises are seen as your partner changing you. However, that’s not always the case. A compromise is when both parties choose to lose something in order to gain something in return. A compromise is identified when a solution is derived without personal attacks on each other.  

Attempting to change someone is unhealthy, especially when it is your spouse. Making the decision to marry your partner signifies your acceptance of them in their entirety. Trying to change your spouse will only bring unhappiness, cause cracks in your relationships and open the door to multiple problems. 

While having the above-mentioned components in your relationship is vital for a good marriage, do keep in mind that every situation a couple faces is different. Solutions aren't always easily attained and it can differ accordingly for each couple. 

There are bound to be issues that can't be solved simply by compromising. In such situations, don't hesitate to seek professional help by reaching out to experts like counsellors. 

REACH Counselling Service aims to build enduring marriages through marital counselling and marital work, including Marriage Preparation Programmes. For more information, contact REACH Counselling Service at 6801 0730 or at [email protected].