Love and Marriage
2017-08-02

Two words in society today that have connotations about a coming-together of similar minds, lifestyles, hobbies and upbringing. Mr Joseph Tan, Million Dollar Round Table member and lead financial advisor of Joseph Tan and Associates shares his thoughts.

Some say love is difficult to find, like soulmates. Others say that it can be achieved at “first sight”.

Marriage on the other hand, requires both parties’ patience, compromise, understanding, empathy and good heads on their shoulders. Compared to marriage, love, is relatively easier.

With marriage come the seemingly most trivial of matters to contend with. Lifting the lid of the toilet bowl, showering before getting into bed, deciding who will be washing the dishes, whose turn it is to mop the floor, who is going to pay for the holiday, and so on. Sound familiar?

At the rate our world is changing, traditional notions of how a woman and a man can possibly live together become increasingly obsolete. It is not strange to find that some of the most powerful people in the world are female, and more males step up to master the Two words in society today that have connotations about a coming-together of similar minds, lifestyles, hobbies and upbringing. Mr Joseph Tan, Million Dollar Round Table member and lead financial advisor of Joseph Tan and Associates shares his thoughts. domestic domain. Go ahead and watch the 2015 movie, ‘The Intern’ by Anne Hathaway and Robert De Niro and you will know what I mean.

If this change is real, does that mean we have to invent a new way to navigate our marriages? Is there an algorithm which we can design and use, to see through a perfect matrimonial union with another person?

I have always been inspired by the classic chick flicks of the 90’s, and I’m a guy! The Pretty Woman’s and Sleepless in Seattle’s have always appealed to me with their whimsical “love-first-and-let-God-deal-with-them-later” attitudes. Wouldn’t it be great if we could just open our hearts and rain passion upon our partners without a care in the world? But we do have to care, and cradle this care with a careful consideration that might have a profound impact on our significant others.

Does it seem like this article has nothing to do with finance so far? Perhaps, since the relationship between the romantic trinity of Love, Passion and Marriage, and that of Money, is not evident at first thought.

I am not saying that “with money, all marriages will go smoothly”. My message is more “with the correct use of money, all marriages have a better chance to go smoother”.

Have you attended expensive weddings that you didn’t enjoy in good taste as a guest? How about that simple yet touching wedding banquet that left a tear in your eye?

Money isn’t everything but the effective use of money will create some magic in this sometimes dreary world.

During my regular seminars at Blissful Outdoor Wedding Show, I always advocate clear communication between Fiance and Fiancee about their individual values, and also encourage them to write personal notes and letters to each other. With such heart-to-heart sessions, couples are more likely to find an effective way to allocate their combined resources for the maximum effect in satisfaction and meaning, and I’m not talking just about money. This is the first step to becoming more prosperous and growing deeper in love at the same time.

Many of us keep things to ourselves because we don’t want our partners to worry about us: work problems, money issues, and personal insecurities. Ironically, wanting to get married means that we should be getting rid of these mental shackles and sharing our troubles with another person. The first things we want to share are obviously happiness and joy but life is not perfect. That is why a marriage is so fantastic because it can be such a beautiful thing despite our various imperfections!

So go on and write love letters to each other, and open your hearts if you have not already. Share your insecurities.

And just as you share your goals with each other, approach your principle financial adviser to share the life that you and your spouse want to create together. Your adviser should be able to find a way of life and family planning (not just financial products only) that best expresses your shared values and goals.

Live long, love and prosper together!